So, I know that nobody actually reads any of my text posts but I need to splurge.
Troy lost his job, got a new job in the meantime which isn’t making much money and we still don’t have health care. I’ve been trying to navigate the inner workings of the government websites, trying to get us signed up for Medicaid after Bryn was approved for Healthy Kids. All the while, we’ve been trying to deal with the fact that we can’t afford to live in this apartment anymore. So, we have two options (well, three but the third will never work), move in with my mom or move in with my in-laws. My mom would take us with open arms but she lives at least 30 minutes from where Troy’s new job is and she smokes in her house. I know she’d stop if the baby was there, but I can’t help thinking how bad it is that the house will be like radiating cigarette nonsense. On the other hand, Troy’s parents are reluctantly taking us in. They live closer to Troy’s job but are putting caveats on us, on top of all the times they have hurt my feelings. I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place.
Pregnancy and labor were hard on me, as they are on everyone. I had to leave my well-paid job to focus on a degree that I could care less about and to take care of my baby and my husband was forced out of a job that was perfect and we had everything figured out and then BAM, no more job for no good reason.
Now all the hospital bills are coming in. I’ve been setting payment plans up left and right, trying to take care of this nonsense before my insurance is up in a week. I feel like my head is underwater.
I just want to take a deep breath and relax and I feel like I can’t.
Sometimes I wish Bryn would just take a pacifier. Like today, when she keeps waking herself up and the only way I can calm her down is by sticking a tit in her mouth. It’s been like this for hours.
When I finally get her to stop crying when it’s in her mouth (the pacifier, that is), she just doesn’t know what to do with it. She doesn’t suck at all, she does that thing babies do with food. Where she pushes it out with her tongue…
I had big plans for today to get ALL this housework done but now she is sooooo overtired she cant sleep without help. I’ve got her in the moby wrap until further notice.
There is a new bakery near my house called the “Pinwheel Bakery” and it’s just down the street from Troy’s new job.
THEY HAVE ALFAJORES. NOBODY HAS THOSE.
Seriously, every pound I have lost will now be regained. In the matter of days, I’m sure. The sheer amount of delicious baked goods in the window is just ridiculous.
So I bought a ring sling. It was like $60. I’m trying to decide if I like it or not. I am still on the fence.
Always smiles in the morning!
Wait for it, wait for it….
So hard trying to catch a smile!
Watched a man get out of his car to get a tall boy out of his trunk at a stop light, in front of all the cars, at 2 PM.
Watched a student in my class run his hand down his crotch.
What is with people today?
troyshipman asked: Samantha, Today is Fathers Day, the day to celebrate all of us stubble chinned sperm donors across the country. Since this is my first Fathers Day, I'm not really sure how to act, but it has caused me to spend some time reflecting upon my new role. To sum things up so far, it has been amazing. Bryn is everything I have ever hoped for, and you really truely are an amazing mother. Every time our beautiful daughter smiles, I feel more validated than I ever have in my life. Thank you for everything.
Even though we are young and stupid and we got ourselves into this situation in the dumbest way possible, I think we are doing one hell of a job enjoying it. So what if people think I’m a weird granola mom and we have to move in with your parents because you lost your job. I’m happy that I have gotten the chance to be Bryn’s momma and I am so grateful to be sharing my life with you. She is already a huge daddy’s girl, on top of the fact that she is almost a spitting image and I know that you are going to be the best dad because you already are. The best husband, friend, lover, dad, confidant, snuggler a girl could ever want.
One day, we’ll get our daughter a home with a big yard for her and Ellie to run around in and a big window for Countach to lay in and a big bed for all of us to sleep in and a big kitchen for me to feed you all in and a big garage for you to drink beer and make silly things in. Until then, I am going to keep reminding myself that I have everything I need: you, me and our beautiful baby.