So, I know that nobody actually reads any of my text posts but I need to splurge.
Troy lost his job, got a new job in the meantime which isn’t making much money and we still don’t have health care. I’ve been trying to navigate the inner workings of the government websites, trying to get us signed up for Medicaid after Bryn was approved for Healthy Kids. All the while, we’ve been trying to deal with the fact that we can’t afford to live in this apartment anymore. So, we have two options (well, three but the third will never work), move in with my mom or move in with my in-laws. My mom would take us with open arms but she lives at least 30 minutes from where Troy’s new job is and she smokes in her house. I know she’d stop if the baby was there, but I can’t help thinking how bad it is that the house will be like radiating cigarette nonsense. On the other hand, Troy’s parents are reluctantly taking us in. They live closer to Troy’s job but are putting caveats on us, on top of all the times they have hurt my feelings. I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place.
Pregnancy and labor were hard on me, as they are on everyone. I had to leave my well-paid job to focus on a degree that I could care less about and to take care of my baby and my husband was forced out of a job that was perfect and we had everything figured out and then BAM, no more job for no good reason.
Now all the hospital bills are coming in. I’ve been setting payment plans up left and right, trying to take care of this nonsense before my insurance is up in a week. I feel like my head is underwater.
I just want to take a deep breath and relax and I feel like I can’t.
Sometimes I wish Bryn would just take a pacifier. Like today, when she keeps waking herself up and the only way I can calm her down is by sticking a tit in her mouth. It’s been like this for hours.
When I finally get her to stop crying when it’s in her mouth (the pacifier, that is), she just doesn’t know what to do with it. She doesn’t suck at all, she does that thing babies do with food. Where she pushes it out with her tongue…
I had big plans for today to get ALL this housework done but now she is sooooo overtired she cant sleep without help. I’ve got her in the moby wrap until further notice.
Samantha, Today is Fathers Day, the day to celebrate all of us stubble chinned sperm donors across the country. Since this is my first Fathers Day, I'm not really sure how to act, but it has caused me to spend some time reflecting upon my new role. To sum things up so far, it has been amazing. Bryn is everything I have ever hoped for, and you really truely are an amazing mother. Every time our beautiful daughter smiles, I feel more validated than I ever have in my life. Thank you for everything.
Even though we are young and stupid and we got ourselves into this situation in the dumbest way possible, I think we are doing one hell of a job enjoying it. So what if people think I’m a weird granola mom and we have to move in with your parents because you lost your job. I’m happy that I have gotten the chance to be Bryn’s momma and I am so grateful to be sharing my life with you. She is already a huge daddy’s girl, on top of the fact that she is almost a spitting image and I know that you are going to be the best dad because you already are. The best husband, friend, lover, dad, confidant, snuggler a girl could ever want.
One day, we’ll get our daughter a home with a big yard for her and Ellie to run around in and a big window for Countach to lay in and a big bed for all of us to sleep in and a big kitchen for me to feed you all in and a big garage for you to drink beer and make silly things in. Until then, I am going to keep reminding myself that I have everything I need: you, me and our beautiful baby.
Happy is something that I’d like to answer yes to but I have so much stress and uncertainty swirling around me that it’s difficult to even think that I am. I am content and before all this nonsense, I would say yes that I am happy unquestioningly. Now, I am scared and unsure and that makes me a little depressed.
It’s my husband’s birthday. I didn’t get much if chance to shop for him because he was supposed to be at work all week and instead he got fired.
But he’s on a bike ride this morning, so I’m going to try and finish. I wanted to get him some records and then when I couldn’t find them, some CDs and then when I couldn’t find those, I downloaded the music on iTunes for him. He didn’t even look at it when I told him! Dick move.
If Bryn ever decides to stop eating and by eating, I mean soothing herself to sleep, I’ll get up and go.
i know everybody thinks their baby is really cute, but seriously, my baby is really cute. i want to submit some pics of percy but i have no idea what the process is like or what to expect. if he got rejected, i would go down there.
i dunno. we have a friend who did some cereal commercials as a toddler and she has a pretty substantial nest egg. i would love that for the little man. any sort of competition makes me really uncomfortable though.
We have been talking about this too! Percy would be a great model!
He is seriously adorable. A shoe-in.
I feel bad for thinking about exploiting Bryn, but the money would go to her college fund.
I’m going out to a bachelorette party tonight. I’m nervous!
I’ve been pumping like a mad woman so that I have enough for hubby to take care of feeding Bryn.
I plan on drinking tonight, but I’m nervous that I’m going to get too drunk and Troy will run out of milk or I won’t be able to drive home or something. I’m being ridiculous because I am in no shape to binge drink (nor am I that type of drinker anymore) but I tend to go overboard at the bar. I just turned 21 about 6 months ago and anytime I got into a bar and didn’t get carded, I’d have a few beers and make a drunken scene and buy people shots and scream at them until they took them.
I guess it’s been so long since I’ve drank that it seems totally foreign to me again. Even the things I did when I was drinking seem strange to me. Maybe this means I have nothing to worry about?
I’m really trying not to have Bryn in the bed while we sleep but sometimes after our nighttime feedings, the only way I can get her to stay asleep is by leaving her and I can’t help but cuddle her cute face.
The bassinet is right next to me but I guess it just doesn’t scare me to have her right next to me while she can’t roll over. I usually have her in the crook of my arm and it just feels so nice :(
It feels natural but maybe I’m being neglectful. It’s usually only for a couple of hours.
So something is wrong. Either I’ve dried up on my right boob or Bryn is frustrated with the flow from right-y. I think if that’s the case it could be because one, I pumped on that side yesterday and two, she’s been getting bottles here and there.
Bryn has been having the smelliest, explodiest, greenest poops I’ve seen. My diet hasn’t changed and I’ve been doing research on it. Apparently she might have a dairy sensitivity.
So, momma is cutting out dairy until further notice. I don’t know how I feel about this yet, but if it is the problem, we know what will fix it.
I know that green poop isn’t necessarily bad but I don’t want this to develop into a bigger problem. She isn’t anymore fussy or in pain at all, but from what I’ve seen online, she doesn’t have to be for there to be a sensitivity.